Banter, Banter, Chatter, Chatter

So when I opened up my computer today, there was a fluorescent orange sticky note stuck on the inside recalling me to my night last night. Two sentences are written on this sticky note.

1. Who in the France is reading this blog!?!!??

I recall meaning this literally. My blogger stats are showing me France is fast approaching the states in readership. Next to France. I have to ask, Who in the Netherlands is reading this blog!?!!?? Because yes, the Netherlands are on France's tail. This to me is fascinating. I love to travel, and to think there are people in different countries, I one day hope to visit, may be reading my words just makes me want to travel more.

That being said. I really would like to know who is reading this blog. I have three lovely faces showing they follow my writing, but I'd love to see more. And also feel free to comment on the posts (even the ones where you think I'm insane).

Back to the sticky note. The last sentence written.

2. I eat peanuts!!

Yep people, this was my great insight last night. I eat peanuts.

Now I think I know why I wrote this down. Or at least I can assume the thought process behind it. You see, a lot of people lately are telling me they don't recognize me. (Yes, yes, I've lost a bit of weight...but unrecognizable I don't think so.)

The issue is, I suck at taking compliments. I'm working on this. (I have a pact with a friend to do the same.) As such, a lot of thank yous are escaping my mouth. Though telling someone "Thank You" when they say they don't recognize you, seems a bit out of place. But whatever, I'm trying right?

Of course the next thing they ask, "What are you doing?"--Meaning how have you lost so much weight and what is your secret--or more to the point--what's your dark little secret behind all this.

Without going into to much detail (on the dark side that is) let me speak plain here. I swim, I walk, I run my butt off at work carrying trays filled with food to tables, I dance in my room to lively music (this has been made much easier now that I have no carpet and hardwood floors in its place), and well I eat peanuts. And, NO, I'm not being paid by peanut organizations to write this.

Anyways, that's it. The story of the sticky note. The two sentences, and the rational behind them. That's my story... morning glory.

Trees grow

I attempted to watch the trees grow tonight. Maybe I'm not in the right mind set, but all they did was breath with the tiny amount of wind on the air.

So light and at ease.

On my evening walk, I took a detour. A detour I don't know will be beneficial or destructive. Currently, it feels like life is playing in frames, missing that small 1/2 second which fills the void, making everything play in unison.

But I tried to watch the trees grow. See how their orchestra plays. Still the stairs and archways seemed so far away. I made it to my bench mark (tripping only twice) and all seemed at peace.

Peace. This a word I haven't felt in myself for sometime now. Yet, it is beginning to resonate strong. I hope it continues. I hope the leaves and limbs will sing their song, and let me listen.

And if anything, I will always follow the path of my feet. For they know how to guide me throughout all of life's elaborate webs.

Ask for Rain

I asked for rain tonight
Mother nature listened
I glided my hand through the driver's side window
Wind passing through my finger tips
Droplets gliding across my skin
As my body swayed to the music 
The darkened sky illuminated 
In glowing twilight blue
Thunder banged and crashed against the stars
Still dancing
Beat by beat in the silent streets
Thinking of all those times gone by
With every speck of precipitation
A rumbling of dreams, desires
Still driving
Still dancing
Still living

Dating Do and Don't

So people keep telling me I need to get back into the "GAME." This game they are talking about is the weird and intricate world of--drum roll please--

DATING. 

I am not really a "GAME" player. Any one of my friends could tell you I'm oblivious to almost all attempts by men to "hit" on me. And even when the slight chance arrives that I do catch on, I have a hard time figuring out where to go from there.

That being said, here are a few things I've learned recently in my attempt to play the game. Men you should listen up, because if you are one of those guys out there looking for a girl that will treat you right (or at least you could see where things go) here are a few things not to do on those first dates:

1: Don't save the $5.00 by not paying for the coffee or beer she will be drinking.
A girl has agreed to spend some of her precious time to get to know you, the least you can do is pay for her drink. If she offers to pay, still buy it for her anyway. We women like being independent, but we also highly admire a gentleman.

2. Don't ask a girl why she dyes her hair.
As a friend at work said, everyone is doing it. Who cares we dye our hair? We just do. And a little heads up, we try to make it look like we don't so please don't throw that in our face.

3. Don't tell the girl to relax.
If the girl looks anxious or seems to have a wall up, there is probably a reason. And that reason might not have so much to do with us, but more how you are making us feel. Ease up and let the date go how it goes.

4. Don't tell a girl she should smile more.
Again, there is probably a reason the girl isn't smiling.

5. this is the big one:

DON'T EVER TAKE AWAY THE ENJOYMENT OF A FIRST KISS!!!!!!!

If you have to make a girl kiss you (i.e. telling her, "Come on, just give me a kiss."), then you loose the game. Let this happen naturally. When both people can't resist any longer. It's so much better. Plus, if you do wait, then you don't have the girl calling you a jack*** under her breath as she walks away.

So yeah. The "GAME." I'm attempting to learn the rules, but I'm finding there are so many, and not everyone plays by the rules. To Date or not to Date, that is the question.

Optimism and Understanding:Chocolate and Rhubarb

Sometimes you just need to put things out in the Universe.

Take for example my evening tonight:

On my lovely evening stroll, I stopped off at my benchmark-of-transition and meditated a bit. As I began the trek up hill, I said to the world, "I'm lonely." Within a half hour of being home, and doing nothing productive on the computer, my phone buzzed to let me know someone was texting me, but it wasn't just anyone. It was my long lost, distillin' crazy, former roommate, Brendan.

Seattle 2008

I haven't seen Brendan in about four months--both of our schedules busy, and he living in a different city than me. But there he was, in front of my house. The universe listened, and I had a friend to share this wonderfully sweet summer evening with.

Thankfully, I was a prepared hostess with cake for the offering.

Chocolate Rhubarb Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

Cake Ingredients:

2 c. flour

1 1/2 c. sugar

2/3 c. shortening

2 eggs (beaten)

2/3 tsp. salt

1/2 c. cocoa

1 tsp. baking soda

1 c. buttermilk

1 c. boiling water

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

2 cups chopped Rhubarb (dusted with brown sugar and 1 T flour)

1 cup chopped chocolate (chips could work too)

Mix all cake ingredients until well blended. Add Rhubarb and stir. Add chocolate and stir. Place in greased cake pans (1 9x13 or 2 9x9). Bake at 350* for 35 minutes or until stick comes out clean.

Cream Cheese Frosting:

4 oz butter

8 oz cream cheese

2 c. powdered sugar

1 t. vanilla

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Mix on low, one cup of sugar at a time. Blend in vanilla.

Enjoy with a long lost friend!!!!

A slight change...

... so in my attempt to organize my life--and everything within it--this blog has received a bit of an update. I mean come on, who could resist the new title, Banter Batter: And Other Sass I've Baked.

I admit, I was not the creative one who came up with it--I'm awful at titles. But a friend threw it my way after dealing with my joshing (Ode to the Thesaurus for that one).

As I love a good quip and I love to bake, it seemed only appropriate the posts from my blog formally titled D.dot's kitchen should be merged with all the sweet cheek I present here. So now you will find labels to your right. If you are looking for recipes just click on one of the food words.  Somehow everything else will fall into place.

Coffee and Conversation

.... So today--as is my typical routine--I headed to the coffee shop to sit on my computer and get some work done. Only to find, that this day it seemed people just wanted to talk with me. Maybe it was my decision to wear a cute red dress and put my hair up in playful fun?

Whatever it was, I had a full conversation with a girl who asked to share my table. We sat for an hour talked about random life stuff. I learned about her boyfriend and her endeavors to find work in phlebotomy and she listened to my retelling of my earliest childhood memory (watching the "King and I" with Yul Brynner) and my philosophy that the more education you receive, the more you realize there is a lot you don't know.

After she left, I set to work and after about a half hour (yes I can sit and sit, and sip and sip at a coffee shop for long hours) a gentleman began talking with me, asking what I was researching and if I was in school. You know all the basic questions without the invitation for a date. I find it funny that if you are on your computer at a coffee shop everyone assumes you are studying for school.

But the point of this story--at least I hope I have a point--is that it was nice to talk with strangers. For some reason we pack ourselves into our little bubbles and try to hide from conversation. When the truth is, conversation is human nourishment, it's education and awareness, it's our nature. And every now and then a stranger can realize all you need is a "Hello" with your coffee.

So I send a thank you to Annalynn and Tony today. :)

Dusk to Twilight

The conductor steps upon the podium, raises the baton, and taps upon the music stand to get the orchestra's attention. Only the conductor finds as each musician turns, they have the conductors face. More than this each player is the conductor, and the violins, violas, cellos, and basses have all been playing out of tune, off timing, and with no lead.

I bring this image up because it was what came to mind when I began to get my sanity back.

For those of you who know me, you know I haven't quite been myself. I however only recognized my personality had changed last month. I placed my mood on a few events, but the reality was that depression had been creeping in on me for a few months without my knowledge.

My depression hit a high low a few weeks ago, when I found myself on my evening walk, crying in uncontrollable sobs for reasons I couldn't fathom.  I forced myself to a bench and sat, reflecting. I realized I had been wearing many faces, all the same, and yet each playing to different tunes. They were out of sync. And my focus was waning. So of course--me being me--I decided to document it.

When I arrived home and went to bed, I realized I wasn't conducting my life. I was instead allowing the orchestra to play without my lead. It was time to take my baton and get all the musicians attention and lead myself on the song that is my life.

Somehow, this idea awoke the changes I have made, which have thankfully allowed the light to turn back on, focus has been regained, and you will find me dancing, instead of crying, upon my evening walks. But of course--me being me--I keep documenting myself and that bench mark. It reminds me that no matter how heavy the depression, I am the conductor.




Currently walking to the songs:

How it Ends-- DeVotchka

553 W Elm Street, Logan Illinois Snow-- Max Richter

Living Room-- Tegan&Sara

Dog Days Are Over-- Florence & The Machine