To Err is Human...

Right?

Many questions have been going through my mind as of late. Non of which need posting here, but truthfully I want to know what we're doing? What is the story you want to tell?

I keep thinking of different things, and lately my mind has been a bit boggled by emotions, questions, and the what not.

I know I shouldn't say this, but whiskey became my friend awhile back and I haven't turned around since.

On my walk home tonight, I looked at all the passing cars, the people on the street, the trees changing suit from winter garb to spring, and I thought, "I need to write more."

To be a writer... well that's a tricky enough business. And isn't that what it all is? Business. People are in your business, your trying to show your business, and well... you pretty much just stumble around hoping to find your way, your voice, yourself.

The business of self discovering can be tricky. Lets not forget the moment in the Neverending Story where Atreyu is about to step foot in front of the second Oracle. It's the Oracle that shows the true self, and lets face it, do any of us really want to see it?

I think of myself as a kind person. A person that can relate and empathise with others. But really, I'm out there fighting. Fighting for me. For what I want.

But what I want, I haven't clearly defined yet. And above anything, this scares me. Because at the moment, I feel reckless. I feel as though I'm playing with fire and about to set the biggest fire storm known to man.

I am one lone girl, lady, woman... or whatever you want to say. But in my mind right now, I'm a child trying to put the puzzle pieces together. And I don't know if they're fitting. So I use a proverb to make myself feel better...

To err is human...

Right?

And is it ever truly an err?...

A Slippery Slope

Oh yeah... This girl went to Raging Waters this overcast Labor Day. I spent my time with work friends, braving the rickety wooden steps, and splashing my way down plastic tubes that are colored bright orange, green, blue, and purple. (As one friend told me, go purple or go home.)

But as my body was pushed down each lively tube to a splash down of water, I began thinking: "I'm riding a slippery slope in life."

Things are going really well at the moment, don't get me wrong. But my dreams are beginning to tell me things. Most of which I don't understand. But subconsciously I am (apparently) trying to deal with a lot. And if I've learned anything in life, the one I hold to is, sometimes you need to ask for help to clarify what's going on. So here are my odd dreams, and I ask for help from you to decipher them.

1. Lady Gaga

First let me tell you, I know very little about Lady Gaga. I know she judged on So You Think You Can Dance and I've seen one of her music videos. So I find it odd, with the little I know about her, that she made it into my dream. Anyhow here I go with what happened.

I was on a hill, there were different buildings around. Lady Gaga appears and she is in a disguise, blond shoulder length wig and regular clothing--white t-shirt and jeans. She is pushing a shopping cart that contains an air-conditioning unit in it. Trying to find her a hotel where she won't be recognized we begin pushing the cart (full of AC unit) up the grassy hill. We get to the first hotel, but they recognize Lady Gaga so we retreat and find ourselves in a different hotel. Here we seek refuge. Lady Gaga installs the AC unit and all is fine until someone begins banging on the door shouting, "We know she's in there."

Then my mind jumps to the next dream.

2. Mouth

This one is short, but a bit disgusting so pass it if you'd like.

I'm sitting on my bed in my room, I begin coughing and this vile slimy substance (formed like a long rope) is coming from my mouth. I begin choking, so I grab at this slimy rope and begin pulling and I feel it moving out of my esophagus.

Which then moves to...

3. Thigh Wound

Now here's the kicker. Again, a warning this one is a bit macabre.

So I'm at a guys house that I dated for awhile. He is in his living room talking to his friends, I'm in his room laying on his bed with a sheet wrapped around me. I'm staring down at my thigh and there is a large bloody hole in its center. I keep looking down at my thigh thinking, "I should probably have this looked at," while the guy is laughing with his friends in the other room. I wait awhile before I make up my mind (I don't want to disturb the conversation with his friends). Finally, I get up and walk into the living room with the sheet wrapped around me and look at the guy and say, "Hey, I think I need to go to the hospital and have this looked at." He stops talking to his friends and looks and me frustrated and says, "Is it your thigh again." I say, "Yeah,"surprised because apparently this has happened before. He shakes his head, places his hand inside my wound and pulls out a pouch of congealed blood, and whatever else, and throws it to the side. My thigh heals, all that is left of the gaping wound is a bit of dried blood and he shakes his head and says, "You really need to stop freaking out about that." I say, "Sorry, I guess I'm just being stupid," and he begins talking to his friends while I just stand there wrapped in a bed sheet.

Then I wake up.

I have no idea what these dreams are trying to tell me. Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Hoping for better dreams tonight, and no more slippery slopes.