Optimism and Understanding:Chocolate and Rhubarb

Sometimes you just need to put things out in the Universe.

Take for example my evening tonight:

On my lovely evening stroll, I stopped off at my benchmark-of-transition and meditated a bit. As I began the trek up hill, I said to the world, "I'm lonely." Within a half hour of being home, and doing nothing productive on the computer, my phone buzzed to let me know someone was texting me, but it wasn't just anyone. It was my long lost, distillin' crazy, former roommate, Brendan.

Seattle 2008

I haven't seen Brendan in about four months--both of our schedules busy, and he living in a different city than me. But there he was, in front of my house. The universe listened, and I had a friend to share this wonderfully sweet summer evening with.

Thankfully, I was a prepared hostess with cake for the offering.

Chocolate Rhubarb Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

Cake Ingredients:

2 c. flour

1 1/2 c. sugar

2/3 c. shortening

2 eggs (beaten)

2/3 tsp. salt

1/2 c. cocoa

1 tsp. baking soda

1 c. buttermilk

1 c. boiling water

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

2 cups chopped Rhubarb (dusted with brown sugar and 1 T flour)

1 cup chopped chocolate (chips could work too)

Mix all cake ingredients until well blended. Add Rhubarb and stir. Add chocolate and stir. Place in greased cake pans (1 9x13 or 2 9x9). Bake at 350* for 35 minutes or until stick comes out clean.

Cream Cheese Frosting:

4 oz butter

8 oz cream cheese

2 c. powdered sugar

1 t. vanilla

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Mix on low, one cup of sugar at a time. Blend in vanilla.

Enjoy with a long lost friend!!!!

A slight change...

... so in my attempt to organize my life--and everything within it--this blog has received a bit of an update. I mean come on, who could resist the new title, Banter Batter: And Other Sass I've Baked.

I admit, I was not the creative one who came up with it--I'm awful at titles. But a friend threw it my way after dealing with my joshing (Ode to the Thesaurus for that one).

As I love a good quip and I love to bake, it seemed only appropriate the posts from my blog formally titled D.dot's kitchen should be merged with all the sweet cheek I present here. So now you will find labels to your right. If you are looking for recipes just click on one of the food words.  Somehow everything else will fall into place.

Coffee and Conversation

.... So today--as is my typical routine--I headed to the coffee shop to sit on my computer and get some work done. Only to find, that this day it seemed people just wanted to talk with me. Maybe it was my decision to wear a cute red dress and put my hair up in playful fun?

Whatever it was, I had a full conversation with a girl who asked to share my table. We sat for an hour talked about random life stuff. I learned about her boyfriend and her endeavors to find work in phlebotomy and she listened to my retelling of my earliest childhood memory (watching the "King and I" with Yul Brynner) and my philosophy that the more education you receive, the more you realize there is a lot you don't know.

After she left, I set to work and after about a half hour (yes I can sit and sit, and sip and sip at a coffee shop for long hours) a gentleman began talking with me, asking what I was researching and if I was in school. You know all the basic questions without the invitation for a date. I find it funny that if you are on your computer at a coffee shop everyone assumes you are studying for school.

But the point of this story--at least I hope I have a point--is that it was nice to talk with strangers. For some reason we pack ourselves into our little bubbles and try to hide from conversation. When the truth is, conversation is human nourishment, it's education and awareness, it's our nature. And every now and then a stranger can realize all you need is a "Hello" with your coffee.

So I send a thank you to Annalynn and Tony today. :)

Dusk to Twilight

The conductor steps upon the podium, raises the baton, and taps upon the music stand to get the orchestra's attention. Only the conductor finds as each musician turns, they have the conductors face. More than this each player is the conductor, and the violins, violas, cellos, and basses have all been playing out of tune, off timing, and with no lead.

I bring this image up because it was what came to mind when I began to get my sanity back.

For those of you who know me, you know I haven't quite been myself. I however only recognized my personality had changed last month. I placed my mood on a few events, but the reality was that depression had been creeping in on me for a few months without my knowledge.

My depression hit a high low a few weeks ago, when I found myself on my evening walk, crying in uncontrollable sobs for reasons I couldn't fathom.  I forced myself to a bench and sat, reflecting. I realized I had been wearing many faces, all the same, and yet each playing to different tunes. They were out of sync. And my focus was waning. So of course--me being me--I decided to document it.

When I arrived home and went to bed, I realized I wasn't conducting my life. I was instead allowing the orchestra to play without my lead. It was time to take my baton and get all the musicians attention and lead myself on the song that is my life.

Somehow, this idea awoke the changes I have made, which have thankfully allowed the light to turn back on, focus has been regained, and you will find me dancing, instead of crying, upon my evening walks. But of course--me being me--I keep documenting myself and that bench mark. It reminds me that no matter how heavy the depression, I am the conductor.




Currently walking to the songs:

How it Ends-- DeVotchka

553 W Elm Street, Logan Illinois Snow-- Max Richter

Living Room-- Tegan&Sara

Dog Days Are Over-- Florence & The Machine