A Smoker's pet peeve!

So I have a question for the world.

Who actually wants smokers to quit smoking?

Recently, I decided I should quit. Knowing this would not be the easiest task, I thought I should easy my mind into the idea. For the most part this has worked smashingly up until now. I have weened two cigarettes off my daily habit for a week, and then repeated said process the following week. Currently I have taken myself from a near pack a day habit to 4 little cigs. a day, and am beginning to feel the full affects of withdrawal.

So I thought I would be smart. Seeing as the next week I am only allotted 2 smokes a day (and then really what's the point) I thought I would proceed by getting the last step of the NicoDerm-CQ patch from the store.

As I proceeded to the pharmacy I just stared at the shelf. There was the first step, and the second, but where could that final phase, the glorious number three be. I asked the clerk and not even coming to talk to me, but yelling across counters she replied, "Yeah there are three steps, but we only have what we have out there."

Really people, really. I mean for Gods sake, you can carry every glorified brand of cigarettes known to man in a store, tax us at ridiculous rates for each individual death stick, but you can't provide the final step in a quit system! So really what do you want from me.

Luckily, I have a nice coffee shop near by that allows me to have the best coffee instead of running home and smoking the whole damn pack I have sitting at home. So I will say thanks to Coffee Noir for their coffee and understanding (their baristas are the best almost like a friendly bartender who listens to all your sorrows and woes).

Start knocking on doors.

It's not that I don't know what I want to do, it's that I want to do too many things at once. This week I need to get cracking and focus on the big pictures. I like my free space, but I mean come on, if you can't pay the bills something needs to happen. So the quest for a career continues, but with new and vigorous force.

When I asked for advice from my Mom, she replied, "Its time for you to start knocking on doors." I am going to take this advice and use it in all my crazy endeavors for the rest of January and see where it takes me. I told myself that the year of "30" was the year to put myself out there and take on some challenges. It is time to do just this, and leave the security blanket of the computer behind.

Who knows, you may be hearing from me soon.

Another New Year and I DEFY Resolutions

It's not the resolution itself, it's the fact that the holiday makes us feel as though one day everything will change. The reality is, this should be a yearly process. So my goals have been written down and the long steps, that are the process of accomplishing them, have begun. I have set myself up with quite a few "doossies", but with a bit of planning and initiative I hope this year will not only bring new changes to my physical being (and no, I am not talking lbs. here, and that is all I'm saying for the moment), but also mental, visual, and just pure life altering endeavors.

As you, that are nice enough to read this crazy blog, know I am still continuing the search for a career. I recognize this will take steps and I have to put myself out there (not just applications) this year. So more volunteer work, presentations, writing, research and networking is a must. Health is my next focus this year, with exercise and altering habits already taking priority. The final major goal, finance. How do I own back my debt? I'm tired of having this stress and its resounding affects on my other plans and physical well being. If anyone has any ideas as to how to take care of credit card debt and school loans please let me know.

Well, for now that is all. With all the goals written down, you should be hearing from me shortly either in this blog or the others I write. Best wishes to friends and family with all their goals this year and I hope 2010 brings us all thrilling surprises and adventures.

Owning up to Dreams and Desires

At the beginning of the year, I decided I needed to take action and begin working on my goals and dreams. I bought a day planner, but not just any day planner an "Action Day" planner. It not only holds what I have planned for the day, but my yearly goals, and sections for each week that I am "supposed" to write in to achieve these goals.

So it was that at the end of January 09, I began this planner, and it is today (October 09) that I am beginning to review it. The last goal that I wrote down was "I want to own up to my dreams and desires." With the hope that "I will feel I live a good and fruitful life." I wrote that I would achieve this by, "Just Do It! This is the year to put yourself out there!" ...

What was I thinking, "Just Do It!". A Nike slogan, and I truly dislike running. It's painful on my body, my joints begin to ache, my muscles burn in ways that make me not want to move or do another thing for the day, and lets just face it: It is exhausting! I didn't expect that owning up to my dreams would generate a Marathon I wasn't anticipating to run.

But I must say that even with this ridiculous slogan, it is a goal well worth undertaking. We discuss our aspirations in our youth and then at some point either fall into what we perceive society has structured for us, or we hide ourselves away and continue to wish and hope things will change, or we step out the front door and take our first step on the long run that we may not win.

I have placed myself in each of these "either" "or" situations, and I am happy to say that at this moment my foot is beginning to leave the threshold of the front door, I may even go as far as saying that the door is shut behind me, though my hand is still grasping tight. To own up to something is take responsibility, to take praise if all goes well, but also to take fault and blame if it does not.

Like I said, in our youth we discuss our aspirations. I did this a lot. And it is difficult when people I knew from high school, or even my undergraduate studies, ask me what I am doing now. Because we can all talk a big talk when we want to, but it is our choices to act which truly bring fruition. And it is a long run from action to achievement. But we must realize that we don't always have to go on the run on our own.

So here I must thank a few people. My core knitting girls: You let me be me and provide support whenever needed, you let me sit in silence while I stitch or you let me ramble on about my day, worries, goals, tid-bits, or what have you, when I just can't be silent any longer. You allow me to explore new things like dancing, river trips, or just a plain fun night out on the town when least expected. To my friends who have been with me for years: You have gone through the mood swings, listened to the talk, and I hope now you will see the action. To my family: Mom you always put things in perspective. And yes I am scared of success, because with it comes responsibility and it intimidates me, I don't want to fail. To Dad, thanks for teaching me that when you fall off your bike, you just have to get back up again, and if you fall down the mountain at least you attempted the climb.

So here I come, (1) volunteer work--in progress, (2) stepping outside and putting myself in unfamiliar territory in a city I am so familiar with--a continuing movement, (3) owning up to myself and my passions--never going to end, (4) walking that first mile and ready to begin jogging the second--Oh Yeah! "Just Do It!"**, (5) never writing your last goal to be "to own up to your dreams and desires"--IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE THE FIRST!--corrected.

**Note to self: You may hit a bump in the road, or trip over your shoelace while sprinting the last mile, but never let that stop you from getting up, taking a moment and a sip of water, to finish the race. It wasn't the Hare that won, it was the Tortoise who persevered and kept going. Follow your dreams: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you may land among the stars."