3 Glasses In...

I preface this with saying, "I have already had three glasses of wine, and am currently working on my fourth." But really, when is a better time to write? (or not to write--that is the question?)

Friends keep asking me, why I keep defending him. The answer is quite easy: he did nothing wrong.

No obligations. My reaction is simply mine.

When so many of us are confused with the direction we're going in life, how can I fault someone for a different way of living?

Truthfully, he got the brunt of a reaction intended for someone else. But he was there, so he got the lecture.

Me and my lectures.

Lectures meant to help.

But I wonder sometimes if the lectures are for the person I give them to, or if they are for me. Besides friends asking me why I defend him, they also ask how it's possible I haven't found someone yet.

This is the tough one. Because truthfully, I don't think it's their fault.

It's mine.

As much as I don't want to say this, I think it's the most truthful writing I will place anywhere (and can only be posted because I'm three glasses in):

I don't know who I am yet.

I'm still learning. Still exploring. Testing.

As much as I say another person doesn't know what they want in life, I recognize I don't either.

So no more questions please. No more trying to figure someone else out. No more protecting me. No more. No more questions of others actions I can't answer. No more questioning me how I can see both sides (I just do).

I need to figure myself out.

No more "time" given to events/people I can't control. No more.

All I want, right now, is to recognize the gifts I've been given in life. I want to focus on how each individual has made an impact on my life. I want to focus on the future and the magic it will bring.

(oh....how I wish I had another glass of wine)