Chance Encounters II...

And Salt Lake City is blanketed in white....

Again!!!

I'm going to say it. I'm truly looking forward to January being over. For the past four days I've been chiseling sections of ice off the alleyway that is the driveway to my house (and surrounding neighbors). Each day, two hours of slamming ice with a plastic snow shovel in the hope I won't slide into a neighbors car. I'm waiting for warmer weather, for walks in the Spring night air. For a walk in general. This month has been one of those where I feel like a trapped animal. Only, I have hot coco mix to keep me from going insane.

But every now and then, I escape. Escape to the local coffee shop and sit mingled with others looking for a warm place other than their home. Looking for conversations with real people versus the glowing characters on a T.V. screen. And every now and then you get one of those moments where the snow, grey skies, and inversion all melt away because of the simple act of interacting with other human beings.

As I walked into my coffee shop today there was a young girl, no older than three, getting bundled up by her mother. Puffy-warm jacket on, mittens in place, and knitted winter hat being adjusted. The girl pointed at me and said, "I like that girl." As her mom didn't respond, she pointed and stated again, "I like her."

Sometimes that's all you need. Someone you don't know telling you that you're alright in there book. And so I sit in the warmth of the coffee shop, as the snow descends on the roads and sidewalks, smiling. Someone likes me. :)

A Chorus Line of Kickers...

It's been in my head lately. Maybe it's because of all the employment sites I've been searching, signing up with, and the mass of lingering silence from the multitude of applications sent into the Ethernet. Whatever it is, the song is on repeat in my mind. You know the one:

"Who am I anyways?

Am I my resume?

That is a picture… of a person I don't know..."

Repeat people. Wherever I go, whatever I'm doing, the lyrics of "I Hope I Get It" from The Chorus Line kicks into my thoughts and starts singing. It's driving me crazy, making me constantly question who I am, what I want, what I'm doing…at every moment of the day. It’s exhausting. So instead of finding answers, I curl into my bed, pull my hoody over my head, and sleep in the attempt to drown the voice in dreamland. 

Now I get this is not the most productive practice. But I figure, configuring a line of friends and doing kicks in unison wouldn’t really help either (it might be fun, but I don’t think my knee joints would appreciate the minute of laughter I would get out of our non synchronized dance moves). Instead of high kicks in this depressing January inversion--known to all Salt Lake citizens--I kicked myself in the *!*, and got out of dodge.

A three hour drive in mountains with blue skies, home cooked meals from the Mom, and a lot of laughter over the conversations (I swear) only my family has, got me out of the smoggy-foggy-funk. In other words, I got out of bed—took off the hoody—and started some movement with a few pushups.

Lets face it. I don’t have the answers. God “I Hope I Get It” is in high gear. I’m still searching; as always—if you’ve read any of my other posts. 

But I figured out something. I’m not a follower. Whatever I do, I want to do my way (and yes, I’m hoping Frank Sinatra will demand a smack down with the chorus line of kickers in my mind and take over the tune stuck in my head). 

Dear Santa...

So it's Christmas Eve here in the Beehive state. I wanted to write to you and wish you good travels, filled with hot chocolate, freshly baked cookies, and no fires left burning in those chimneys you have to shuffle down. And of course I thought I'd send you a line to let you know what I want for Christmas.

This year was a difficult one Santa. I was desperately trying to find the spirit of Christmas. It was difficult with the limited funds I had accessible to me. I watched all the commercials and realized I wouldn't be able to purchase that soft body sweater for my friends, nor would my father be getting the new car that I know he would highly enjoy. No diamonds or gift certifacates for the Ma. And well, chocolate was just out of the question. So I sat gloomy, thinking where did the Christmas spirit go?

I thought back to being a kid and tried with all my might to think of a new toy I would want from you. It went between a slinky to hop down my bedroom stairs to a replacement of the Rock Star Barbie you gave me back when I was eight. But neither really seemed right.

And then I put together my cookie party and something unexpected happened. I realized it wasn't the gifts that made Christmas, but the feeling that you want to do things for the people you care about in life and being able to sit and share in a bit of celebrated conversation with them. It's not the need to boost the economy, but celebrate in all the gifts given to you through out the year that aren't purchased but merely the joys of living.  It's doing the best at what you can do, and not feeling as though you need to push things. It's about the laughter--the laughter friends have that makes them laugh so hard they cry (miss b. you know I'm talking of you).

So Santa, I just want to say thanks. Thanks this year for the gifts you gave me before the day of Christmas. Thanks for the time with my family, for the the experience of showing them the city I live in during this lighted season. Thanks for the giddy laughter over dinner as my Dad extended his fork to my Mom with a pecan on it saying, "Just try this, it's delicious, it's soft... It's impregnated with sugar." Where that line came from, I'll never know, but I cherish those moments. I cherish the images too. The photos of my family (wishing of any gift, that my sister was with us here too--though I'm sure she is giddy with the two boys in California's warm weather). Thanks for the memories of past Christmases and all the family comedy that has followed. Thanks for awaking my heart to tell the people I care for how amazing they are (because lets face it--you all ROCK), and how much I value each and everyone of them in my life. And thanks for somehow letting my parents cats and my cats know, that a cat fight in my tiny apartment would not be a good way to show the Christmas spirit. Thanks for all you do Santa. Thanks for the gift of the season.

Safe travels tonight. I'll be listening for your sleigh bells as I always do. And just so you know, no matter how old I get... I will always believe in you.

Merry Christmas to all out there, may you have sugar plum dreams...

D.dot

Want or Need... A post of thankfull-ness...

Maybe it's the realization that the parents are about to embark on a new journey (moving out the state here people, it's not the final journey...just need to be clear). Maybe it's that yet another life metamorphosis is taking shape in my mind, or possibly, it's the month of thinking of all the things a person is thankful for. Whatever it is, all that's been on the brain lately, is the challenging difference between two words: WANT versus NEED.

Living in the same apartment for the past 10 years, the reality hits when you realize all those trinkets, shoes, tables, and mugs are just "stuff." They seemed so needed at the time, but now--as I travel the road of "essential" buying--they have become hindrances. Blockades in the home, if you please the metaphor.

The interesting thing is when you realize as an individual, you have never distinguished a difference between the two words. "Want" has the tendency to evoke the definition of "Need" in our society. So, this month the cleansing process began. I have discarded four boxes of "things", donated a table, three chairs, and three shelving units to my neighboring artist, books have reached the sharing frames of my local coffee shop, and I'm throwing away all those bits of paper that I felt had such significant value though in reality just cluttered up space in the home.

As the "stuff" begins to clear, I'm faced with a more open space. Space to recognize the things that have true value in my life. So as it is the month of giving thanks, I will end with this:

I am thankful for my family, who is always so supportive and encourages me to do all the things I'm passionate about in life. I am thankful for my friends; all the laughter we have shared, the way you all let me be me (with all the quirks, nuances, and frustrations that along with it). I am thankful for my cats and how they love to snuggle and share time with me even though we don't speak the same language. I am thankful to all the stories ever told to me, all the moments that have ever shaped the life I live. I am thankful to me teachers who have encouraged me. I am thankful to the teachers that discouraged me and in the process taught me to fight for what I believe in. Finally, I am thankful, thankful, thankful for having all that I need and being able to dream and hope for all the wants of my future.

A Happy Thanksgiving week to everyone out there. I hope your home is full of the space to share with the one's you love.