Dreams, Goals, and Applications

The past few days have been very interesting. I have been pushing myself to gain a career. This means resume after resume, cover letter after cover letter, e-mails after e-mails have been made. It's almost a full time job to find someone that will hire you. And lately the response has all been the same--NOTHING. No note to say thanks for your interest, but sorry we can't/won't be hiring you. Just NOTHING. It becomes a bit frustrating to say the least, and yet my pursuit continues.

Then last night, I sat on top of a mountain side late in the wee-hours of the morning with two wonderful friends, and a bunch of strangers, to watch as rocks came skidding into the atmosphere. Treats in a picnic basket, a blanket, and fresh baked cookies helped me open my eyes to the heavens. As we sat staring to the darkened sky, even the glitter of stars couldn't be as enjoyable, as laughing together when joke upon joke came from our mouths. I realized something. I was content. I came home and as I entered that portal of a door to my lonely sanctuary I call home, I spoke aloud and said, "Well, I just had the perfect day." And I realized it was true.

This morning I woke-up and took my time with everything I did. Even my morning cereal was a delight to be enjoyed. And as I followed my feet down the hill on 200 South, I thought about my dreams, my goals, and which applications to send out next in the sweltering heat.

My thought it is that I need to become something. It is probably everyones dream to be admired for what they do. To make a name for themselves. To be given the chance to shine. And then I sat outside with my raspberry Italian soda (with a splash of cream) and opened my computer to check my e-mail only to find yet again, NOTHING.

And so I walked home. Hot and sweaty, thinking what to do next. How do I get a response. A response of any kind. And as nothing came to mind I sat in my room, in the heat, and zoned in front of the T.V. Wanting cooler temps I found a movie to go to and drove downtown to sit in air-conditioning to watch Julie & Julia.

It was a good movie, a good one. Maybe it was the love of cooking, maybe it was the refreshing air, maybe it was the buttered popcorn. Who knows but when I walked out of the theater and into the cool summer night air, I realized something. It's not about becoming someone, its recognizing that you already are someone. I do shine. I am somebody.

I already have a name for myself, and it is one that people don't usually forget. On the mountain top last night, I was me, laughing, eating, and gazing into an environment I hold so dear, and a friend told me I was her Mom away from Mom. In the past I hated this statement. I didn't want to be the Mom of my friends. But this afternoon I realized it's not about the title, it's about the nature. I am a caring person that wants to experience and share the world around them with others. I am a girl who tries to always put others first. And I am a person who wants to help others achieve their dreams.
Now all this might sound very ME, ME, ME, but as Julie said in the movie, "Isn't that what a blog is." So this blog is for me. My name is Denver and I already have more than NOTHING.